Wednesday, January 27, 2010

How Long is Long Enough???

I don't talk all that much anymore about the fact that I had an awful marriage.  Just when I start to feel better, sleep better at night and not look over my shoulder, something from the past comes back to irritate me. 

Most recently I got a call from the ex - he wanted to know about 'his stuff' that he left at the house.  Oh Crap! 

Here's a little background:  We were married for 10 years and finally decided to put the marriage out of its misery.  That was in November of '06.  I wound up having to give him a settlement.  He left with barely the clothes on his back, went on a New England "vacation", spent the settlement money and was back on my door step before the ink was dry on the divorce papers; broke and needing a place to stay.  I took him in and he stayed with me until March of '07.  This time he left and this was to be more permanent, as he went to a relative's - he took a lot of his possessions, then subsequently came back a few times to get more.  I had told him that as long as I was there, the big stuff he left was OK until he found a place he could put it.  Things didn't work out with the relative and he started bouncing around the US.  I e-mailed him a few times that year that he was going to need to consider getting his stuff, as I was cleaning out and thinking about moving.  In January '08 I decided I was going to move.  Since my house was for sale and I was actively looking for a new place - I emailed him and told him he was going to have to make arrangements for the stuff, as I was going to move.  I moved in May '08 - another email that I was moving and he REALLY needed to deal with the stuff.  In June '08 I had a taker for my old house, since I hadn't heard anything from the ex about his stuff I got rid of a lot of it and made a deal with the guy moving into my house to put the remainder of it in the coal room of the basement for a while.  I have had one or two phone conversations with the ex with very little discussion about his stuff. 

So last week I get a phone call from him - the sole purpose was to ask about his stuff and when he could get it.  I answered with "what stuff?" and he rattled off a list of things he had left behind.  It seems that in the ALMOST 3 YEARS since he left he was under the understanding that his stuff had been put in storage and was just waiting for him.  Who was going to pay for that all that time I wondered out loud?  Well, he assured me that he would have paid me for it.  Yeah I'm sure!

So at some point in the near future he is wanting to come get his stuff - though he is going to have to do it in more than one trip (just great!).  Now I am considering how the best way to handle the situation.  I know he was expecting me to not sell the house and have everthing just as he left it so when he made up his mind to come get it it would be right there OR neatly pack it up and store it away until he was good and ready to get it.  He hasn't  inquired about it in almost 3 years - how long was I obligated to keep it?  I haven't handled any of this matter as good as I should have, that I know. 

But I can't get out of my head - just how long is long enough to keep this crap?


Julie said...

5 minutes after he left it. That's the time frame you should have kept it.

Sorry pal, it's gone. Been gone for three years now.

Aunt LoLo said...

I'd take a note from Beyonce..and say, about as long as it takes to load the "crap" into garbage bags and get it to the curb. LOL

My Aimless Infatuation said...

I agree with Julie and Aunt LoLo. Sounds as if we are a lot alike,big hearts get us in a jam sometimes. Don't fret over this,you done more than most.

gayle said...

I agree with the others...don't worry or stress...just tell it's Gone!!

Donna B said...

I agree with the ladies. You made the effort to contact him and its a matter of "snooze, you lose". This could be a good thing, maybe he won't talk to you anymore or ask to stay with you. He is in your past, make way for the new man to come into your life!! I enjoyed the creativity in your blog.